One of the most common, and most frustrating grammar errors in the English language is the incorrect choice of There, Their, or They're, in written text. Here are some simple ideas to help you remember when each is being used appropriately in your advertising copy.

There:
There means "in that place." A few examples of correct use.
What's over there?
I haven't been there in quite a while.

An easy memory device is to just remember that "Here" and "There" are opposites, and spelled almost the same.


Their:
Their means "belonging to them." A few examples of correct use.
Their house is lovely
I asked my parents if I can borrow their car.

A mnemonic device to help you remember this is to think of an heir. Heirs will soon own things, and those things will belong to them. The heirs would soon have their money.


They're:
There means "They are." A few examples of correct use.
They're going to the beach.
Do you know what they're doing?

Just remember that the apostrophe in the middle stands for a missing letter, in this case "A". If you substitute the words "They are" for "they're," the meaning shouldn't change. If it does, you're using the wrong word.

If you are already working with email marketing, or planning to in the near future, you must be aware of one simple truth about the medium: People Don't Want to Open Advertisement Emails. It's sad, but true. We all get vast amounts of SPAM on a regular basis, and our basic nature has been to delete first and ask questions later.

Every morning, when we turn on our computers, we begin the task of being our own human information filter. When we see 50 emails awaiting us in our inbox, all we want to do is get to the meat and throw away the fat.

Delete - Delete - Skip - Delete - Delete. Read later.

If your email campaigns are getting dismal 10% open rates, you must be wondering what is going wrong, and what can be done to make things more successful. In advertising, it has been said that the headline is 80% of the ad. In email marketing, the headline is a combination of two things: the From line and the Subject line.

Here are a few hints to help you make your headline as interesting as possible.

• Check your FROM line - Your clients will react much more positively to an email ad that comes from someone they know. Make sure that your FROM line says that name of your company, or your own name. Some studies have indicated that people also respond well to FROM lines that have words such as "team," "group," or "associates."



• Ask a Question - People are drawn to intriguing questions. Ask the right question, and people will open your ad to find the answer. Can you resist a subject line like "Is your webpage costing you business?" or "Why is this April the best time to invest?"



• The Numbered List - Despite being bombarded by them, people still LOVE top 5 or top 10 lists. This blog entry is no exception. But, be specific to your client base. "8 tips for getting better pricing on cameras" or "5 ways to make money from your overstock."



• Use Your Data - If you collect data on your clients, use it to your advantage. Consider how appealing the following headlines can be to the right recipient. "Attention women 30-45" or "Job searching tips for new college grads."



• Ask for Referrals - If you can, use a mailing system that will allow your existing customers to forward the mail to a friend. People are happy to open emails from people they know, and you will get an extremely high open rate on email sent this way

If you use email blasts as part of your marketing campaigns, SPAM blockers such as Spam Assassin are not your friend. As a regular email user, you are probably thrilled that such products are in the background keeping junk mail out of your inbox, but, as a commercial email sender, you may be terribly frustrated by their efficiency. The problem with SPAM blocking software is that it is ruthless and stupid. Your double-opt-in mailing list is powerless against it, and even good friends and close business associates will routinely miss out on your newsletter or specials, even though they have specifically requested them. Have no fear, though, there are ways around anything.

Test Test Test
Before you send any mail blast, you must test it over and over for spam scoring. I recommend getting email accounts at a number of popular services, including gmail, EarthLink, AOL, Yahoo, and any place where you can get filtered email service for little or no cost. Make a special mailing group called "tests" and send every mailer to those emails first.

Learn to Read Headers
Once you begin receiving your test emails, look at the long or raw headers to see how you are scoring. If none of your accounts receive your mail at all, neither are your clients. If you do receive the mail, however, you must make sure to have an X-Spam score of under 2, because that is a common threshold setting for Microsoft Outlook, which is the most popular mail program currently being used.

Fix All Problems
If your mails receive spam scores, look at each violation and check online to see precisely what it means. The biggest things to watch out for are HTML-only mails, certain keywords such as "opt-out," "free," or "samples," and too many exclamation marks. All emails should have a text-version. Make sure to find a mailing program that allows you to make custom HTML messages with text-based alternatives.

Use a Service
If your mail isn't getting through, no matter what you do, you may have a blacklisted mail server. There are plenty of inexpensive remailing companies that will send mail for you, and also take care of blacklisting issues.

Don't be a spammer
Above all, though, you should be an honest marketer. Using tricks to get mail opened, duplicitous email systems, and other scam tactics will eventually get you banned. The key to success is to use email to form a bond between yourself and your readers, a loose tether that keeps you mutually informed. In the end, good email contact is a great way to increase both sales and satisfaction, so use it well.

Do you think your business could benefit from knowing who is visiting your website?

Would your sales efforts be easier if you knew who was interested in your company?

Well, there are fairly simple ways to monitor these things, but they do require a little technical know-how. Talk to your technical department about making some simple, but very effective and profitable changes to your website.

• Improve your database -
  Your contact database needs one very important item added to it: a unique ID number for each user. By adding this, you will be much more able to catch and log valuable user data


• Use email more efficiently -
  When you send email, it is an absolute MUST that you start using a TRACKING PIXEL. A tracking pixel is a small image file (1px x 1px) that will be loaded when the email is opened. By correctly formatting the request for this pixel, you can do a few things.
  
  1. Know if a user opened your mail
  
  
  2. Learn an individual user's IP address
  
  
  3. Associate this information in a database
  
  
  
  


• Get Clickthru Data -
  When a client clicks on something in your mass email, not only should she jump to your webpage, she should also send you information about who she is. In particular, each clickthru should send you the unique user ID.


• Bribe your Clients -
  Get new visitors to give you their information by offering tiny bribes. By selectively controlling access to special pages of your website, or by offering free products or services, you can quickly build a mailing list and learn who your warm leads are.

The lowly apostrophe has been taking a beating, lately, and virtually everyone has blood on his hands. Here is a quick run-down on rules for using this simple, useful piece of common punctuation.

Missing Letters
One main purpose of the apostrophe is to recognize the removal of certain letters from a word or pair of words, resulting in a new pronunciation. Examples:

"they have" becomes "they've"
"we are" becomes "we're"
"three of the clock" becomes "three o'clock"


Possession
The most common use of the apostrophe is to show ownership. It is a peculiarity of the English language that we use a punctuation mark to show possession in more than half of cases.

But, creating possessives can create a lot of special circumstances, and even today, our language is evolving, giving rise to new, more lenient methods of creating the possessive.

1. Singular subject not ending in s -
   Simply add 's to the end.
   Example: Bob's Car


2. Singular subject ending in s -
   Always add 's to the end, except when the next word begins with "s", in which case, you only add the apostrophe
   Example: The waitress's apron. The waitress' sandals.


3. Plural subject not ending in s -
   Simply add 's to the end.
   Example: Women's liberation.


4. Plural subject ending in s -
   Only add the apostrophe.
   Example: The students' grades.

There are, of course, words which do not exactly fit one of these four categories, but adherence to these rules will be correct in the vast majority of cases. To be right every time, I recommend becoming intimately familiar with one of the recognized guides on the subject, either the AP Stylebook or the MLA Handbook.

Strangely, many people mistakenly use the apostrophe for the purpose of pluralization, which is never correct. Here are some examples:
Those badger's are vicious. The cop's pulled me over.

This usage is absolutely never correct. If you are making the singular into a plural, over 90% of the time you just add an "s" to the end, and it's wrong 100% of the time to use an apostrophe.

I mentioned in a previous blog post about monitoring visitors that it is essential to use tracking pixels or tracking images to gather information about who is opening email that you send.

Even the smallest campaign can benefit from this method, and here is an extremely simple script that you can use to implement a basic image tracking program. It logs to a file that you can later reference to see who is opening your emails.

//variables that you must enter
$logFile = "openLOG.txt"; 
$imageFile = "something.gif";


//This part serves the picture requested
//If your picture is a jpg, change to image/jpeg
header('Content-type: image/gif');
readfile('$imageFile');

//get timestamp data
$phptime = time();
//modify timestamp to readable format
$mysqltime = date ("Y-m-d H:i:s", $phptime);

//get IP address of user
$thisIP = $_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR'];

//get additional info from query string
$thisSerial = $_SERVER['QUERY_STRING'];

//prepare file to write
$outfile=fopen($filename, "a");

//create string to write to file
$outstring = "$thisSerial \t $thisIP \t $mysqltime\n";

//write data to file
fwrite ($outfile, $outstring); //writing

//close file for writing
fclose ($outfile); //and we're done

?>

In order to use this code, first copy into a text file and save as tracker.php, or some other name that you'll be able to remember. Then, simply change the first two lines to reflect the names of the picture and the server you will be using. Then, upload tracker.php, as well as the support image to your server, via FTP. Make sure the image you need to serve is in the same folder as the script itself, or remember to add the path correctly to the file name.

Implementation in your email is simple, too. Instead of linking directly to an image, link it to the file that you have uploaded, like this:

<img src="http://www.yourwebsite.com/tracker.php?DATA">

Replace "DATA" with either a customer serial number or the client's email address.

Now, when you want to see who is opening the mail you send, just go to http://www.yoursite.com/openLOG.txt, or whatever name you have given to the output log file.

Perhaps the biggest question in email marketing is an obvious one: how do I increase the size of my mailing list? Unfortunately, the answers are simple, but the execution can be tough.

Method 1: Start with People you Know
Use your existing contact list to begin the process of creating a mailing list. Send an email to everyone you know telling them about your list, what it offers, how it works, and finally asking them to join. Make sure to make it as easy as possible for your friends and contacts to join and a good percentage will. Also, because they know you, they are unlikely to unsubscribe very soon.

Method 2: Ask for Referals
The reason that so many email newsletters have a button that says "send to a friend" is that they're effective. Perhaps your current mailer is not helpful for one person, but, in all likelihood, he may have a friend who needs exactly the service that you provide. Plus, by using this service, you can expect a very high open rate on mail sent to friends.

Method 3: Buy a List
There are dozens of companies on the web that specialize in providing mailing lists for people just like you. By simply describing the kind of people you'd like to contact, you'll be surprised how many names and emails you can obtain. Keep in mind that these lists are unlikely to have great conversion rates, but, they are a good way to get started.

Method 4: Use Other Media
The internet might be the cheapest game in town, but it's definitely not the only game. By advertising in newspapers, or on the radio, you can get people to visit your website, and that gives you a great opportunity to ask for an email address.

Method 5: Squeezing
Once you get people to visit your website, you have to at least make an attempt to figure out who they are. You do this with a squeeze page. A squeeze page is a landing page on your website that promises some valuable gift, with the requirement that viewers enters their contact information. For instance, you can give away free consulting hours, or a pamphlet about how to increase business, or, even better, a coupon or rebate. Remember to make the gift actually valuable and useful, or else squeeze pages fail completely. There is an old saying in marketing: "Never give something away that you couldn't sell."

Method 6: Just ask
If you've been in business for a while, the chances are good that you have a nice file of past clients. Using a list of every client you've seen in the past year or so, developing a very strong mailing list can be easy, but time consuming. All you need to do is call each one of them and offer the following short message: "Hello, this is Bob from Bob's company. We're doing a yearly database update, and I'm hoping you can help me out with a few missing items. We've found that email is much more efficient than using the telephone for most business purposes. Is there currently an email address where we can reach you?" Using this method will give you an opportunity to re-introduce yourself, get your name into someone's head, and build your database all at the same time.

If you want to increase the size of your mailing list, or the subscribers list to your blog, or your Twitter following, there is really just one thing that you need to do: Be Interesting.

It's entirely possible that you aren't interesting. But, if this is the case, you're going to have to fake it, or, reconsider your goals. Here are a few ways to be interesting enough.

Turn the board around
Military strategists talk about "turning the board around" as a method of understanding the enemy. You can do the same with marketing or self-promotion. Try to see the world through the eyes of your readers. What do they want? What amuses them? Odds are that you are interested in your topic, so think about what YOU would like to read.

Be funny, odd, different
Don't worry about being normal, because normal can be pretty boring. Allow yourself the privilege of being yourself in your writing. Ultimately, people are attracted to personalities, so let them see yours.

Keep it short
A good way to lose readers is to go on too long. Unless you know that what you are saying is absolute riveting, don't write too much. It takes too long, it can burn you out, and nobody has the time to read it all. The world is becoming a 140-character place.

Have a theme
Try to talk about some central idea, and then branch out into smaller items. It makes for cohesive writing, but allows enough wandering to be stimulating.

Whenever you work in marketing, self promotion, or copy writing of any sort, you are playing a numbers game. The basic fact of advertising in general is that you are trying to talk to as many people as you can, as inexpensively as possible, and with the right message.

But, you can't be all things to all people. No matter how carefully you plan, mistakes are going to be made, and people are going to have unexpected reactions to the ideas you are sending, and the words that you use. We can sit there and get upset about it, allowing a little criticism to punch us in the stomach, or, we can do something productive with the experience. Here are a few common problems and how to work with them.

Your email has enraged a SPAM crusader
Everyone who has ever sent more than 100 emails at once has had to deal with this person, a CAPS-talking lunatic who, instead of taking one second to hit delete, has opted to spend a half an hour quoting you federal guidelines, and threatening to have you charged with some horrible crime.

Don't get upset. Simply respond with a friendly email stating that you are sorry if you cause him any bother, and that you will never send him another email. That's all he wants, anyway. Then, take your time and read the email that he sent. There is probably a lot of good information that will keep you out of trouble. Obey the guidelines.

An angry unsubscriber
Some people do not understand how to use unsubscribe buttons, so they will respond to your FROM address with hatred and vitriol. For people like this, I recommend a little email judo. Use that fire to engage in conversation.

A good way to start is by saying "I'm very sorry to hear about your experience. I'm going to talk to my IT department immediately to have the issue resolved." A lot of times, the person will simply disappear at that point, but about a third of the time, they will write back with a much better attitude. This is a fantastic way to re-introduce yourself. I have personally turned angry unsubscribers into customers on several occasions.

The insult
Occasionally, someone will take the time to send you an email, or maybe make a phone call, just to tell you how much you stink. Your ability to roll with this is the test that you must pass.

If you are an independent businessperson, or freelancer, remind them of the fact. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but, I'm really doing the best I can." When people see that they are dealing with a regular, normal human like them, they'll back off. It's easy to yell at one of a million CSRs in a call center. It's harder to be pointlessly nasty to a person with a name and a family.

Remember this:
In marketing, making a connection is half of the struggle. If you can teach someone your name, and tell them personally about your business, this can be enough to get the ball rolling. Sometimes, complaints present us with an ideal opportunity to do just that.

Unless your business is one that doesn't need exposure on the internet, Search Engine Optimization is something that you need to think about. And, while some of the most technically impressive websites in the world are done almost entirely in Flash, the simple fact is that Flash Doesn't Index Well.

In simple terms, the information that you place in a flash file will not be accurately added to any search engine currently operating, and this is not likely to change anytime soon. Although Google's engine has started reading Flash files using an SDK, the future for Flash indexing is dim. While Google has occasionally made mention of future Flash projects, there are certain restrictions inherent to the format that preclude comprehensive text-searching.

In other words, you cannot rely on Flash content to make your site visible in the world of search engines. There are a couple of good reasons to believe that this may be the case for a long time.

No Flash Production Standards
In HTML and CSS, there are many clues for a crawler to follow to find out what is important. It can look for some of these tags in order to discern what ideas are being presented, and in what hierarchy:

<h1><h2><h3> - All may represent headlines
<title> - Gives the name of the page
<strong><i><b> - All indicate importance
<ul><ol> - Shows important items as a hierarchy
<alt> - Gives a description of an image

The only one of these that has an analog in Flash is the Title element.

Flash Compiling and Locking
If you've ever worked in Flash, you know that you have the option to lock your files. This encodes the entire document in a way that is easy for the interpreter to show, but very difficult for other designers to edit. Top designers use this method almost universally to protect their methods. But, continued usage of file-locking will only make things more and more difficult for search engines.


What now?
Unfortunately, your site is already built, and it's already completely made in Flash. What can you do? The simplest way to start is by crafting clever ALT tags for your flash applications. After that, pay close attention to all of your page titles. Even though their use is going out of style on some engines, META tags may still be of use to you. And, the trickiest, and maybe the most unpredictable, is using CSS's z-index attribute to simply hide some relevant text behind your flash elements. They will be well-indexed, and entirely invisible if done correctly.

Another great idea is to start a blog. This will give you the opportunity, over time, to write thousands of words about yourself, all dealing specifically with whatever message you want to project.

If you're getting ready to build a new website, there are some things you need to know from the very beginning. A lot of people go about the process without giving any thought at all to the underlying concepts that will help them to become successful.

Understand your Purpose
Don't be ashamed if the purpose of your website is to make money. It just makes you human, and a capitalist, and both of those things are alright. If your purpose is to make money, I highly recommend being up-front about it. Make it clear at the beginning of your site that you sell a product or a service. Don't be shy about it.

If you are building a site to inform people, or amuse them, start amusing and informing on page one.

Use the Two-Click Rule
Make sure that almost any page can be accessed with no more than two clicks. This will accomplish a number of goals: it will force you to plan your navigation better; it will help search engine rankings by making your site easier to crawl; and, it will vastly decrease the frustration your users may feel.

Be ready to Market
Make sure that your website will eventually allow you to get information from your viewers. Consider "members" areas or forums very early on, as they can be a great opportunity to contact and interact with potential clients.

Face it: Social Marketing is here
Like it or not, blogging, Facebook, and Twitter are the shape of things to come. If you are building an online presence, be prepared to spend a little time every single day building a reputation and creating new content.

It seems like most of us are regular users of social networking media, either Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter. While these sites are both entertaining, and useful, the major tendency is to either underuse them or massively overuse them. Underuse doesn't cause much harm, unless you count the opportunities you may be missing. But overuse is a destroyer of relationships.

What you need to understand is that, although they are wrapped up in a a nice disguise, social media sites are essentially mass-mailing prorams. Because of the huge number of applications and other add-ons offered by these sites, it's easy to lose sight of why we're actually there: we are there to exchange information with a lot of people in a short amount of time.

With this in mind, it's easy to see why professional marketers have embraced social media so quickly. But, what they are overlooking is the simple fact that social media sites are subject to the basic psychological laws that rule mass emailing.

1) Too Much Information Causes Burnout
Tweeting, when done well, is an amazing thing. For a talented writer or comedian, one or two simple comments a day can go a long way toward claiming space in someone's mind. It can be a very subtle, enlightening method of reminding people you exist. But, when Tweeting is overdone, it can quickly conjure very negative emotions about the creator. Over-tweeting is a great way to lose followers, business partners, friends. It comes across as childish or shameless.


2) Respect people's preferences
A growing trend in social media is the synching of Twitter and Facebook accounts, as well as certain blogging sites. In short, if a person posts a new tweet on their Twitter account, it is automatically duplicated into the status bar of their Facebook account. It is simple programming task, and a neat trick, but it has a tendency to bombard your friends. Facebook is a tool that people use a couple of times a day, mostly to keep track of how their friends and coworkers are doing in general. Twitter, contrarily, is a tool to keep track of the tiny specific details of many different people. By synching your Facebook account with your Twitter account, you are forcing your friends to become your Twitter followers, which is something they never signed up for.


3) Speak correctly
Text-speak is for teenagers. I think I need to repeat that: Text-speak is for teenagers. If you are a grown person, working in a professional field, in 2009, you should act like it. The simple fact of the matter is that you really shouldn't send any message that you can't spend two minutes writing. 140 characters is plenty of space to phrase one clear, succinct idea. If it isn't, use your iPhone to make an actual phone call.

I want everyone to get over the idea that "it's just the internet." It's not just the internet. It's the World Wide Web. When you write something and post it to a web page, it becomes visible to everyone in the world, more or less. With that, there comes some expectation of competence, I would hope.

If you have something to say, make it a point to say it correctly. This means investing in a dictionary, and even an AP Stylebook. If you don't know how to use a phrase, don't use it until you learn how. Here are a few annoying examples.

Begging the Question
This is one of the most commonly misused phrases I see. "Begging the question" is when an argument presumes its correctness in order to prove it is correct. Basically, it is a form of circular reasoning. If you are using this phrase outside of a discussion of logic or law, you probably mean Raising the Question.


Per se
This one is latin, means "by itself," and using it all the time just makes you pretentious and wrong. It's a legal term that you are probably using entirely incorrectly. Also, note that it isn't spelled "per say," which is a variant that makes me wince. In place of per se, try a better vocabulary word, particularly one that you know well. Or, in the interest of brevity, leave it out. A simple note about writing: if you don't know what the word you are using means, precisely, it's better not to use it at all.


Pretense, Pretend, Pretentious, Pretentiousness, Pretension
I hear these words a lot, but most people don't stop to consider the fact that there are all related, and, as a result, some of them can be a bit pointless. Please follow below.

Pretend: Few of us have a problem with this one. To pretend is to take on the appearance of something else. Jeremy pretends to be a master of grammar.

Pretense: Pretense refers to the act of pretending, or to the claim that is being made. Jeremy's pretense is that he is a master of grammar. Or, more in a more complicated construction, Jeremy's claim that he is a master of grammar is nothing but pretense.

Pretentious: Full of pretense, marked by pretense, or composed of pretense. It is so pretentious of Jeremy to say he's a master of grammar.


Now at the final step, I beg of you all to pay attention. It is in this area that logic eludes me and I shake my fists at the creators of this bastard tongue we speak.


Pretentiousness: At this point, are we not making a noun form from the adjective form of a noun form of a verb? Pretentiousness is, in fact, a word, and it has been used for at least two centuries, so, you haven't been making a fool of yourself. But, is it a word that we need? Take the following example: Everyone is tired of Jeremy's pretentiousness. If we overlook the evolved connotations of the words, doesn't it mean roughly the same thing to say Everyone is tired of Jeremy's pretense.


Pretension: A pretension is defined as a claim or an attempt to make a claim. That's weird, isn't it? It means the exact same thing as pretense. Why this word exists, I have no idea at all. Try to avoid it if you think I might see you using it.

If you routinely send email or bulk mail to a large number of people, you should really consider using Randomized Testing in your next campaign. While it may sound like something better left to marketing "experts," and large corporations, there are some very important advantages to this style of testing that can have real benefits for you, personally.


What is Randomized Testing?
Randomized testing is a method of data mining and analysis that allows you to predict the outcome of a campaign before you send it. The concept is simple: using a large list of message recipients, you choose a subset completely randomly, and send the message just to those people. Based on their response, you can take a good guess at how the rest of the people will respond.

Why does it have to be Random?
If you pick and choose data from your list in an orderly fashion, you are very likely to choose groups that are non-representative of your list as a whole, statistically. A perfect example would be to use the first 250 people in your list as a test group. Here are some potential problems:

• The oldest items in your list are most likely to contain expired data, such as bad addresses.


• Clients in a certain area of your list were probably all gathered in a similar way, such as personal correspondence, forms filled out at a trade show, or responses to a mailer during a particular season. Because of this, they can skew in many different ways, by race, gender, and socioeconomic status.


• Names in a list region have likely been contacted a similar amount of times in the past. Older and newer list members may have different preconceptions about your company.

Why should YOU randomize?
The simplest reason is that you simply may not have the tools or expertise to handle multivariate analysis of data. And, moreover, you may not have any data to analyze. If all you are collecting from your clients are their name, address, and email, you really know almost nothing about them as individuals.

Just as importantly, random testing can keep you from making costly mistakes in front of a large audience. A smaller, more representative audience will help you weed out problems early on, and without huge advertising expenditures.


What are some strategies?
Randomized testing can give you a good idea of how almost any new method can work in general. And, even better, it can help you decide on a method to follow, if you have several choices to choose from. Here are a few examples to inspire you:

• Headline Testing - On your next mailer, test out 3 or 4 different headlines to see which was most successful, based on the number of opens you monitor.


• Offer Testing - Thinking about offering a free service, coupon, discount, or rebate, but you don't know how it will affect business? Try all of your ideas on a small scale and see what happens


• Earthshaking ideas - You have the idea that is going to save your company, but your boss thinks it's too risky! Randomized testing can show him if you're right, and it won't ruin you if you're wrong.

How can you get started?
If you can open your database in Excel, you have everything you need to get started. The simplest way is to add a new column to the right side of your data called "Test Group." In that column, use the following equation to generate a random value:

=ROUND(RAND()*SOMENUMBER,0)

To find the value of SOMENUMBER, divide the total number of names in your list by the size of the test you'd like to send. Then, round down to the nearest integer. So, if you wanted to send out 250 emails out of a 10,000 email list, 10,000/250=40, so SOMENUMBER = 40.

From there, copy and paste the equation into all rows. This can be done by selecting all of the rows at once before pasting, saving you hours of hitting ctrl-V. After that is done, select ALL values in that column, copy, and use Paste Special. Change the setting to "Paste Values." Voila, you have a randomized list. Simply sort by "Test Group" and you'll have many sublists of approximately the right size. If the list is a little big or a little small, that is to be expected, based on probability.




For a fun read regarding the value of randomized testing, please check out Super Crunchers by Ian Ayres.

If you find yourself struggling with those first couple of sentences, it's not the end of the world. While all of us experience a touch of writer's block from time to time, my experience has been that it all comes from one source and there is always one simple solution.

The perfection problem
In my writing, the single biggest source of frustration has always been the problem of perfectionism. There is something about the overwhelming whiteness of that empty page that says to me: "Don't put anything on here that isn't right." When I get writer's block, it's always that same exact feeling: I get a few words in my head, and then ignore them. I get a few more, and then I ignore them. Then, I get a better idea, and I second-guess it. This can go on for hours if you're not careful.

A simple solution
Just sit down and write. If, after ten minutes or so, my page is still blank, I just tell myself: "It's going to be one of those projects. Let's get working."

The truth is that sometimes you just aren't inspired, and, as far as I know, there is no way to just make inspiration come. So, when I'm staring into that abyss, with nothing falling on to the page, I simply lean into it and start working anyway.

When you just can't find your muse, you have to write, no matter what. Try outlining. If that doesn't help, I recommend writing any sentence that would fit anywhere in the project. If you have a closing line for what may eventually be the fourth paragraph, write it down immediately.

You have to get ink on paper, or dots on the screen. As soon as that happens, your brain will loosen up. Write sentence fragments. Throw one-liners onto the page. Purge from your head all of your bad ideas, too. You have to destroy the sanctity of the page, because it can ruin you.

To this day, this process has never failed me. By the time I have filled a page with nonsense, detritus and idiocy, it comes. From out of nowhere, that idea that I needed always comes.

Why does this work?
I really don't know, but I have my ideas. When you follow this process, you inadvertently take a number of important steps towards true understanding, as described by Bloom's Taxonomy. By outlining, you demonstrate a type of knowledge and comprehension. By writing fragments, listing attributes, and jotting down ideas, you are performing a type of written analysis and synthesis. Perhaps it is only after taking these steps that the mind is finally able to evaluate the problem fully.

Everybody misuses idiomatic expressions. I'm sure that I do it from time to time. But, I have a simple method for trying to keep it out of my writing. I just look it up. If I am not positively certain about a figure of speech, I don't use it until I know what it means and how to use it correctly.

Honestly, I don't care if every single other person in the world uses something incorrectly in exactly the same way. I understand that language evolves in cultures. I understand that "meaning" is really just standardizing popular consensus. But, there are times when everyone is still wrong, regardless.

Speaking of regardless, I hate when people use the term "irregardless." When I hear it, it feels like nails on a chalkboard. It's a negation of a negation, like some kind of logic puzzle.

The worst one is the phrase "I couldn't care less," which is used incorrectly by most American speakers of English about once daily. At some point in recent history, it became fashionable to drop the negative, and to just say "I could care less about it." Think about what you're saying. You speak English. You know what the words mean. I'm not going to bother explaining why you should start using the correct version. It's obvious.

Lastly, people are always "coming to . . . " something or other, but they're never sure of what. In a nutshell:
"Coming to blows" refers to fighting with your fists. "Coming to grips" is an archaic way of talking about wrestling with someone. And, "coming to terms" simply means reaching an agreement.

These last two are so poorly used that most people don't even know how to use them correctly. This is at least partially due to the fact that these phrases tend to be used almost exclusively metaphorically, and that type of usage can sometimes be difficult to evaluate and remember.

Maybe the worst part is that the metaphors in which these statements are used tend to be seriously flawed, stretched, mixed, or just broken. Here are some typical examples:

"Bob is having a hard time coming to terms with his divorce."
Well, really what does this mean? We're trying to say that Bob lacks perspective, or resolution, or that he is generally unhappy or unsatisfied, or unfulfilled. The only terms that he should be seeking are contractual, with his ex- and her lawyer.

"We're all going to have to come to grips with our fears." This is a correct, though highly metaphorical usage. While no one actually wrestles with a fear, it's easy to imagine how this works metaphorically. We use wrestling imagery all the time to represent difficult situations. We grapple with our pain and struggle against our addictions.

Try to avoid using "coming to terms" to express the idea that you have "gotten over" something, or "resigned yourself" to it. Try "accepting" it, or "moving on" from it."

Even if everyone else is using some phrase incorrectly, there is no reason you should.

I'm sure this is the shortest blog entry that I've ever written, and it will probably be the shortest I ever write. But, it answers a question that plagues me.

Is it flier or flyer?

Both are correct. If you check the AP stylebook, it lists "flier" as the preferred spelling, but notes that "flyer" is an accepted variant. Both of these spellings are correct for both meanings of the word, too. So, whether you are referring to an aviator or an advertising hand-out, you're free to use either version. Next time someone tells you that you're using the wrong word, tell them to get bent.

The most important thing is consistency. Try to use the same spelling every time.

In one day, two of my friends have bothered me so much that I'm back to blogging, even if I'm only blogging a little bit.

It's not that I'm a grammar nazi. Well, maybe that's part of the reason. But, more importantly, we have to have standards in language, because standardized language is what creates clear communication.

Anyway, two quick word issues.

Issue 1: Lightening and Lightning
This is a very simple one. Lightening, with an "e" in it, means to make something lighter. A salon might perform a bit of lightening on your hair color. Or, a friendly neighbor might assist you by grabbing a grocery bag and lightening your load.

On the other hand, Lightning without an "e" refers exclusively to the electrical activity in the air. With this in mind, you can call a firefly a "lightning bug" with complete certainty.

It is interesting to note that, two centuries ago, Lightening, with the "e", was correct in both cases. But, one century ago, common usage had an apostrophe, creating the contracted form "light'ning' which, in modern times, has been dropped.

Issue 2: Ulterior motives
The word "ulterior" is almost never used these days, because people have no idea what word they are looking for. It's pretty common to see "alterior," which, frankly, isn't a real word by most standards. It means "intentionally hidden," since you asked.

The confusion might come from inadequate knowledge of Latin roots. "Alter" seems appropriate because it means "other" in Latin. You see this root in words like "alternative" or "alteration." And, it might be assumed that you're talking about "other motives." In reality, the etymology of this phrase uses a Latin root meaning "distant," which is more metaphorically tied to the meaning "hidden."

Another short blog entry, but it's something that needs to be stated, if for no other reason than that it will help me to remember later.

If you're evaluating something again, you're reevaluating it. I'm sorry, but that ugly, ugly word, is actually the correct one. Throwing a dash in there is just wrong. Again, do not use "re-evaluate," even though it is visually so much more appealing.

So, if you can't stand seeing that word anymore, let me offer some ideas. First, it may be helpful to think about whether you're merely evaluating something for the first time. You may be using the word out of habit, instead of with precision.

Also, you can always fall back on "reconsider," or "rethink."

In the last week, I've heard the word "thusly" about a dozen times, and it gives me minor hives. There are few grammatical issues that bother me more than archaic speech delivered incorrectly.

So, let's start off with the word "thus." Thus is an adverb meaning "in this way," or "as a result of." I understand that it is not commonly used in modern English, so, I forgive anyone who avoids its use altogether. There are many times when "thus" is the perfect word for a certain context, particularly since it is so concise. But, much like "whence," it has fallen out of favor, and the common solution is to use several words in place of that single word used by our ancestors.

Here are some examples:

Daylight savings time has been recently adjusted, thus rendering useless the automatic features of my VCR.

In this example, "thus" is nearly synonymous with another word considered archaic, namely "thereby."

Another sense of "thus" is used as a signifier when acting out an action physically, as an example:

We could tell the suspect had been injured, as he was walking thus, with a pronounced limp, as demonstrated by Inspector Smith.

Yet another usage allows "thus" to replace a long series of words, or even sentences, demonstratively.

After the daring rescue, the men were lauded and celebrated by all who knew them. All heroes should be treated thus.

This brings us, of course, to "thusly," which, although gaining in acceptance, is a word that I simply can't stomach.

Simply put, "thusly" is an incorrect synthetic word, with which an adverb is made even more adverbial. Many adverbs do not end in "-ly" or "-ily" and it's important to recognize that "thus" is one of them. As a result, "thusly" is no more necessary than "fastly," "straightly," or "wellily."

As for "whence," we can save that for another time.

Today, I only have a brief note about usage of the homophone pair "cue" and "queue" which are frequently interchanged incorrectly. If you read internet boards, you'll probably run into this issue at least a dozen times a day.

Cue:
Though this word is also what you call the wooden stick in a game of billiards, its more common usage is as a signal of some sort, generally telling someone or something to enter or begin.

The audience shared an awkward laugh when the lead actor missed his cue, leaving a helpless heroine alone on stage for what seemed like an eternity.

Here is a usage you may have seen in film or television, where cue can be used as a command verb. Forgive the idiomatic style.

She's almost here. Cue the orchestra in 3, 2, now!


Queue
Although both words share a common ancestor, this spelling refers to a line of anything, and is used more commonly in British English. In American English, we almost never refer to a line of people as a "queue," but we often find the word in computer-related contexts.

It may be hours before my paper gets printed. There are 38 people ahead of me in the processing queue.

Queue also works as a verb:

Ladies and gentleman, the show will begin in one hour. Please queue near the northern entrance.

The world of politics has always shown a strong influence over modern language usage. A key figure in an issue or a campaign can change the way that a nation uses a word or phrase. Lately, the example that bothers me the most is the phrase "Drinking the Kool-Aid" as it has come to be used in modern parlance.

Historically, the phrase references the 1978 mass suicide of nearly 1000 people in Jonestown, a religious community in Northern Guyana. Most of them had sold everything they owned, shut out their families, and moved to South America to be with their spiritual leader, Jim Jones. When times seemed their darkest, the sect committed mass suicide, by drinking a flavored beverage mixed with potassium cyanide.

In modern spoken English, the phrase has come to mean that someone has completely and unquestioningly accepted an ideology. But, that is fairly obviously a misuse. Presumably, that meaning would be better served with "moving to Guyana." "Drinking the Kool-Aid" should specifically refer to an act that knowingly and purposefully causes your own death.

Believing in nationalized healthcare, or liberalism, for instance, is really not an act of deliberate suicide, regardless of how biased the speaker may be. It's clear that joining a political party, or becoming personally involved in party politics is a religious leap of a much less dangerous kind. But, some pundits have clearly moved to Guyana already, and there is nothing you can say to convince them.